Building Emotional Agility in Kids: Tips From a Child Therapist in Woodland Hills

Life can be overwhelming for kids and teens as LAUSD and other schools in the San Fernando Valley schools start back up in the fall. Between stress about school, sports, and extracurriculars and pressure from their peers, there’s usually a lot on their mind. Layer in growing bodies and changing hormone levels and it’s no surprise a lot of teens and kids are going through it.

If you’re a parent, teacher, or other key figure in a child’s life, you probably want to help. Teaching them about emotional agility gives you a way to do exactly that. Our team of child therapists serve Woodland Hills and the surrounding area. We’ve seen a lot of local parents, teachers, and other adults benefit from helping kids explore emotional agility.

Understanding emotional agility

Kids and teens often feel pressure to behave or perform in a certain way. That might lead them to ignore or push aside their emotions, particularly ones that are typically labeled “bad” like anger or jealousy.

Our child therapists often teach about emotional agility because it offers a different framework. With this mentality, we don’t label emotions as good or bad. Instead, we see them as information. When a teen or kid is experiencing an emotion, it’s their body and mind trying to tell them something.

Developed by psychologist Dr. Susan David, this approach invites kids and teens to look more closely at what they’re feeling — and learn from it. This often helps them better manage their feelings.

Four steps to help kids and teens practice emotional agility

Our team of child therapists in Woodland Hills often lays out the following four steps to help teens and kids explore emotional agility.

#1: Start by naming the emotion
Here, it might be helpful to teach kids the rhyme, “Name it to tame it.” Using an emotion chart or wheel can help them pinpoint what they’re feeling.

The key in this first step is to help the teen or child identify the emotion without attaching any judgment to it. Encourage them to be curious about what they’re feeling.

#2: Normalize the feeling
Remind the teen or child that all feelings are okay. The emotion is information, not an indicator of how they are as a person. Be with them to hold space for that emotion, no matter what it is.

#3: Pause
The emotion becomes information the teen or child can use when they learn to put space between feeling and reacting. They can take a breath or count to five, for example. This pause allows them to listen to what their body’s telling them as they experience the emotion.

#4: Align with their values
Don’t tell the child or teen how to react or respond. Instead, help them explore how they can make choices that align with their values even while they’re experiencing that emotion. If they want to be a good friend, that might mean deciding not to act on their anger.

It can be helpful to ask, “What kind of person do you want to be in this situation?”

Resources recommended our team of child therapists in Woodland Hills

The biggest tip we can give adults here is: model the emotional agility yourself. Talk with kids and teens about what you’re feeling and how you’re deciding to engage with that emotion based on your values.

Our child therapists in Woodland Hills also developed a list of resources that might be helpful:

• Emotional Agility by Dr. Susan David
• The Zones of Regulation curriculum
• Feelings charts or mood meters
• Mindfulness apps like “Smiling Mind” or “Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame” (available in the Apple App Store and Google Play)

Emotional agility doesn’t help kids stay happy all the time. Instead, it gives them a way to feel all of their feelings without labeling them as good or bad. By holding that space with a pause before they decide to act, this practice helps kids live freely and gives them a way to move forward based on their values.

This is only a brief overview, though. If you want to talk more about emotional agility and other tools to help the child or teen in your life, schedule some time with a child therapist in Woodland Hills. Our experienced, compassionate team is ready to come alongside you. Send us a message online or call us to get something scheduled.