Perinatal Loss: The Silent Struggle

Pregnancy is supposed to be a joyful time that helps you prepare to bring a new life into the world. When the season doesn’t end with a healthy baby in your arms, the grief can feel overwhelming. One thing you should immediately know: you’re not alone.

Health experts estimate that one in eight pregnancies end in miscarriage. And not all perinatal loss is miscarriage, or the loss of the baby in the first half of the pregnancy. You can also experience this loss later in your pregnancy. And if the baby doesn’t survive the first 28 days, your loss still counts as perinatal.

For too many parents, perinatal grieving happens in silence. But that often makes the weight heavier. Today, we want to shine some light on the struggle of perinatal loss — and what you can do to support yourself in this time.

The profound effects of perinatal loss

Perinatal loss has been studied, and the results show that it takes a significant toll on the parent(s).

One study estimates that as many as 60% of parents who have experienced perinatal loss show symptoms of:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

If you were having the baby with a partner, it can also introduce difficulties into your relationship.

Your likelihood of struggling in silence goes up if you:

• Don’t have a good social support network
• Were already having relationship difficulties
• Had to terminate the pregnancy because of a fetal abnormality

We’re not saying all of this to put salt in what’s likely a very painful wound. Instead, we want you to normalize what you’re feeling. It’s not something you need to hide.

Breaking the silence: Getting support

The symptoms from mental health conditions like anxiety and depression can worsen if you stay isolated. It’s important to talk about what you’re feeling. Social support makes a big difference when it comes to managing perinatal loss.

If you’re like most bereaved parents, you’re probably craving:

• People physically being with you
• Someone to listen so you can express how you’re really feeling
• Encouragement
• Feeling safe with someone who accepts your feelings and offers sympathy

Seek out people in your life who can provide that kind of care. If you don’t have people you can lean on in this way, join a support group and find a therapist to help.

There are plenty of virtual support groups for parents who’ve experienced perinatal loss. Empty Cradle hosts four online groups a month, and Postpartum Support International has a number of different groups that regularly meet.

Virtual groups give you the chance to connect with other parents who have experienced loss like you. Just seeing folks on a screen might not provide the full spectrum of connection you need, though. That’s why finding a therapist helps. When you sit with them in-person on a regular basis, you carve out a safe space in your life to work through your feelings.

More help’s out there for you, too. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) maintain a resource page to help parents like you. It links out to a wide range of organizations that support parents who’ve experienced perinatal loss.

If you have other children, explaining the loss to them can feel difficult. The Association of Women's Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses has a list of books you can read with your child that may help.

We hope all of this highlights two things: that you’re not alone in what you’re feeling, and that help is waiting. For support in this challenging season, contact our team. Our intake coordinator can pair you with a therapist to hold space for you as you navigate your perinatal loss.