Building Strong Relationships With Your Young Adult Children

Your child has reached adulthood. Congratulations! That’s a major milestone. And it opens up a whole new world of opportunity.

Now that they’re a young adult, you can step out of some of your worries about raising them right. They’re raised. You might find it easier to enjoy your relationship now.

Or you might find it harder. Relinquishing the parent role can be challenging, and you and your new adult might butt heads.

We have a few tips to help you foster a healthy, enjoyable relationship with your young adult.

Remember that they’re an adult

Young adults want to find their footing. They’re in a season when their independence matters a lot. They want to feel like an adult, and having mom or dad playing parent doesn’t help.

You might not be totally sure where the line now falls, so don’t be afraid to ask. Before you offer an opinion, for example, you might ask if they actually want it. Respect their boundaries, and talk about them when you’re not sure how to proceed.

This is particularly important when your adult child still lives at home. Clear boundary-setting conversations help you respect each other and live harmoniously. It’s also your chance to share your own boundaries, like how you expect them to keep common areas clean.

Figure out their why

If your adult child’s decision-making makes you scratch your head, get curious. Instead of trying to get them to live life a specific way, ask what’s motivating them. Ask what they’re excited about. Inquire about their goals.

This is your opportunity to get to know your child as an adult. Understanding what drives them can help you better support them. And showing that you care in this way helps you bond.

Be someone they want to hang out with

Now that you’re shifting out of the parent-child roles, having a good relationship means something closer to being friends. And people generally want to be friends with folks who are interesting to them. Having your own interests and opinions and sharing them helps. It helps to live a full life outside of your child so you have plenty to share when you do hang out.

Be mindful of your adult child as you share. If you know you believe different things politically, for example, steer clear of those topics. Instead, try to find areas of shared interest so you can have stimulating conversations together.

Find things to enjoy together

Look for an activity to share.

If you’re wanting more time with your child, something you routinely do together builds that into your calendar. Plus, enjoying something together helps your relationship grow. You’ll find more things to talk about, and you might learn something new about your child. Just as importantly, they might discover some new things about you.

Some ideas to get you started:

• Take a pottery class
• Bake
• Hike
• Go to any kind of workout class
• Go to a movie
• Do an escape room
• Join a book club
• Go to trivia night
• Volunteer for a cause you both care about

If you’re stumped for inspiration, look to your child. What do they enjoy doing? Is it anything that might sound fun to you? Give it a shot.

Really, having a strong relationship with your adult child is all about holding space for them. Figure out what they want from your relationship, and go from there.

If your child’s vision of your connection doesn’t align with your own, therapy can help. Our therapists can come alongside you to give you tools to manage difficult conversations and relationship elements. Don’t hesitate to contact us.