What is Attachment Parenting?

If you’re a new parent, you’re probably getting a lot of information about how to raise a happy, healthy child. Maybe you’re seeking some of it out (you must be, if you’re reading this blog). But you’re probably getting some unsolicited advice, too.

It can be hard to cut through the noise to figure out what you actually need to know. For help there, we want to address a big umbrella term: attachment parenting.

Attachment parenting is a philosophy that focuses on building a strong connection between the parent and the infant. It centers around being available to your baby, both physically and emotionally.

Attachment parenting hinges on attachment theory, so let’s start by building the foundation there.

Attachment theory and its application to attachment parenting

Attachment theory says that the early bonds we form with our caregivers shape how we interact with people for the rest of our lives. Babies and kids who develop a secure attachment style, meaning they feel like they can rely on their caregiver, tend to be mentally healthier, more independent, and do better in school.

Attachment parenting aims to help parents foster that secure attachment style in their baby. You build that security by being available and responsive. If your baby cries, for example, you go to them and work to soothe them right away.

Attachment parenting also puts a big emphasis on physical closeness. It encourages baby-wearing (i.e., wearing them in a carrier as much as possible), breastfeeding, and sleeping close to your baby.

Similarly, this parenting approach encourages emotional closeness. If your baby does something wrong, for example, attachment parenting style says you should try to connect with and teach them rather than punishing them.

Benefits and drawbacks of attachment parenting

Research has shown that attachment parenting can have positive effects on the baby, including lower stress levels and better emotional regulation. Because it puts the child squarely in the spotlight, that child gets the care and attention they need whenever they need it. That can help the child feel more secure, supporting healthy development. It can also help to build the bond between you and your child.

All of this said, attachment parenting can be problematic when applied too rigorously. If you’re a new mom and breastfeeding isn’t working for you, this parenting philosophy might make you feel like you’re failing. You’re not. Formula-fed babies grow up to be happy, healthy kids who flourish as adults all the time.

Adhering strictly to attachment parenting encourages you to forego your own wellbeing for the sake of your baby. But putting your own needs aside for too long leads to burnout. And research says that can take a serious toll on your baby and your family.

Being a new parent is all about finding the balance. If you can call in a friend or family member so you can get some sleep or take a shower, do it. Spending some time away from your baby can help you feel more connected to yourself. And when you’re a better version of yourself, you’re able to be a better parent.

Finding what’s right for you

Being a new parent isn’t easy. You want to do what you can to raise a healthy child, but you need to consider your own wellbeing, too. What works for one week or even one day might not work the next. You’re on a journey filled with twists and turns. While understanding philosophies like attachment parenting can help you handle some of the curves, it can also cause you to white-knuckle the steering wheel.

You’re not alone on this road. A therapist can help you find the balance, flexibility, and self-compassion you need to navigate this season of life. If you could use a little extra support right now, reach out to our team.