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Often times, domestic violence is thought of as a traditional scenario where the perpetrator of the abuse is a man, and the victim is a woman. Furthermore, this abuse is often thought to be physical, and usually severe or visible. While this scenario can be accurate in some cases, there are many aspects of domestic violence that aren’t addressed in mainstream domestic violence discussion—including target populations, types of abuse, and severity.

Specific populations may be at increased risk to experience abuse by a spouse or family member, or for cases of domestic abuse to go unreported. For example, a man who was experiencing physical abuse from his wife may not understand that he is in an unhealthy and dangerous situation. It is this double standard that can lead to harmful situations that can escalate into serious problems. In addition to men, it is also important to note is the prevalence of underreporting domestic violence in gay, lesbian, and transgender populations. There can be particular challenges when facing domestic violence in these non-traditional cases, such as perpetrators threatening to ‘out’ their partner, threaten to take away children, or use sensitive information in a lawsuit.

One thing to consider is that there are various types of abuse, all of which can be extremely destructive and scarring. Physical abuse is considered the most common type of domestic abuse, but sexual, psychological, and emotional abuse are all examples of domestic violence. While abuse that isn’t visible can be easier to hide, if you ever feel that a friend or loved one is unsafe or in an abusive relationship, in any form, please contact the National Domestic Violence at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

The severity of abuse is also something that victims can sometimes question. If abuse isn’t severe or visible, some victims may not consider the behavior to be abusive. Abuse that isn’t physical or visible can be harder to spot, but there are often signs of abuse that you can watch out for, such as: anxiety or fearfulness regarding their partner, frequently missing school/work without explanation or notice, constant injuries, or drastic personality changes, just to name a few. While these traits may not be noticeable by themselves, together they paint a picture of a dysfunctional relationship or possible destructive behavior.

It is through awareness, counseling, and support that victims of domestic violence can safely get out of dangerous relationships.

West Valley Counseling Center offers therapeutic services for survivors of domestic abuse, as well as anger management classes throughout Southern California. For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

Sources:
http://www.dahmw.org/

http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/lgbt/news/2011/06/14/9850/domestic-violence-in-the-lgbt-community/

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

For more information or to speak to one of our staff, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

As April looms closer, high school seniors and community college transfer students are waiting on pins and needles. Dealing with college acceptance and rejection letters can be a very high-stress and emotional time, but there are steps that can be taken to help ease the process:

1) Keep A Routine

Just because applications are turned in and are out of immediate control does not mean students are off the hook academically! Keep study and school routines consistent, and continue to work towards success. Many high school and transfer students are tempted to slack off after they have turned in college applications, but colleges CAN revoke offers of admission, and have done so before.

Continue to work hard and partake in extracurricular activities. Such activities have much more value than an entry on a resume, and the skills learned now can help students cope with new and challenging situations in college, like meeting new friends.

2) Have A Positive Attitude

Just because applications are turned in and are out of immediate control does not mean students are off the hook academically! Keep study and school routines consistent, and continue to work towards success. Many high school and transfer students are tempted to slack off after they have turned in college applications, but colleges CAN revoke offers of admission, and have done so before.

Continue to work hard and partake in extracurricular activities. Such activities have much more value than an entry on a resume, and the skills learned now can help students cope with new and challenging situations in college, like meeting new friends.

3) Accepting a Decision

This is simply harder to do for rejections. The initial feelings may involve anger, sadness, and guilt. Rejections are always painful, and academic ones can be particularly harsh. Just remember that a rejection can be a good thing. College administrators do not reject students as a fulfilling hobby. Administrators accept or reject potential students after careful evaluation, and for a number of reasons. Perhaps an applicant listed career interests that are not directly in line with what a particular college teaches, or the admissions office thinks problems may arise in keeping up with coursework with certain students. It is better to be rejected now than to find that a certain degree does not fit a specific field or that keeping up with coursework is nearly impossible.

If students are rejected to all of the colleges they were hoping to attend, do not lose hope. There are a variety of options that can be taken. Internships, volunteer work, trade schools, and community college can be great stepping-stones to attending a university or making a career choice.

Lastly, do not forget that as important as college is, a college acceptance or rejection is never a judgment on you as an individual. It is your words, actions, and decisions that define who you are, not a degree. After all, we are all students in the school of life.

For more information or to speak to one of our staff, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

Discourse regarding mental health disorders is at an all time high, with celebrities and public figures talking about their struggles with anxiety and depression. These figures, such as Robin Williams and Caren Bowen (California Secretary of State) have brought the issue of mental illness to the forefront of many people’s minds. These discussions are the first step in really recognizing the prevalence of mental illness, and ways to help and understand the millions of individuals who suffer from depression and anxiety, and mental illness in general. One of the best ways to help those suffering from mental health disorders is to reduce the stigma of the disease, so that the real treatment can begin. For more cutting edge research on the origins of depression, a very common mental health issue, see Jonathan Rottenberg’s The Depths: The Evolutionary Origins of the Depression Epidemic.

The stigma regarding mental illness is more than just a general negative attitude. The stigma that comes with mental illness prevents individuals from seeking therapeutic and psychiatric help, and negatively impact life in a variety of ways. Those who go without treatment may be more likely to turn to suicide, drugs, or other dangerous coping mechanisms. More organizations than ever before are creating educational initiatives to give the real facts behind this disorder, but in order to promote real and lasting social change, we must all do our part.

First, its time to focus on the facts and move away from damaging stereotypes and myths that perpetuate the idea that mental health disorders are not medically recognized or as valid as other diseases. It is entirely possible to lead successful and healthy lives with mental health disorders if they are being treated properly. For example, actors such as Jon Hamm of popular television series Mad Men, Owen Wilson, and Disney star Demi Lovato have all battled with depression, and have spoken out about their experiences. Caren Bowen has also been very open about her battle with depression, all while fulfilling her duties as Secretary of State. These public figures have taken a leap towards a more educated society in which mental illness is not the defining factor of an individual. These celebrities are a perfect example that mental health issues can be treated and managed, if only those suffering will step forward. By spreading the accurate facts, we can reduce discrimination and stigma, which is crucial in encouraging those with mental health disorders to seek professional health.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) urges those with symptoms of mental illness to get evaluated in a timely manner. Putting off treatment for too long can result in self-harm or higher levels of depression or anxiety, as well as dysfunctional behavior in all areas of life.

West Valley Counseling Center offers counseling for a wide variety of mental health disorders, and more. For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

Sources:

http://calmhsa.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Literature-Review_SDR_Final01-02-13.pdf

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1489812/

http://www.mendthemind.ca/stigma/seven-important-things-we-can-do-reduce-stigma-and-discrimination

West Valley Counseling Center is located at 19634 Ventura Blvd. Suite 212 Tarzana, CA 91356

With all of the modern stressors that accompany adolescence, teens are looking for coping strategies and escape routes any way that they can. Unfortunately, some teens choose to turn to drugs and other harmful coping mechanisms. While marijuana and alcohol get the most attention for being gateway drugs, prescription drug addiction is on the rise, so much that the Centers for Disease Control has gone on to label the issue as an epidemic. These prescription drugs are one of the paths that adolescents are taking without understanding the consequences of substance dependence and abuse, and where it can lead them.

Because of the lack of awareness regarding the dangers of prescription drug as not only an addiction and of a gateway drug, we have a major issue of miscommunication with adolescents and teens. Many teens are under the impression that prescription drugs are safe, as they are sold in a legitimate medical setting and have been prescribed by a doctor. This could not be further from the truth. By developing an addiction to these drugs, adolescents prime themselves for even more harmful drug-seeking behavior. As tolerance increases, addicted teens will look for cheaper and easier drugs to fulfill that same ‘high’.

Heroin has become the drug of choice for many teens that have abused prescription drugs. According to Foundation for a Drug Free World, even a single dose of heroin can lead to addiction, and especially if teens have already become dependent on or abuse other drugs. Teens who abuse prescription drugs also are at-risk for overdosing, which is much harder to do when experimenting with alcohol or marijuana. Overdosing is also a leading cause of death for heroin users, and as it can often be much stronger than prescription pills, teens run the risk of overdosing due to simple miscalculations of dosage.

So, the question remains: how can we protect teens and adolescents from prescription pills?

The best methods include: educating teens about the dangers of prescription drugs, and to store and dispose of prescriptions properly. Locking up prescriptions and keeping an open dialogue with teens regarding addiction and drug experimentation is just the beginning to the long road of a healthy and drug-free life.

West Valley Counseling Center offers services in Addiction Recovery and therapy for teens and adolescents, as well as adults.

For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

Sources:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/ondcp/prescription-drug-abuse
http://www.drugfreeworld.org/drugfacts/heroin/i-ll-just-try-it-once.html

West Valley Counseling Center is located at 19634 Ventura Blvd. Suite 212 Tarzana, CA 91356

Stress is an inevitable aspect of life, especially in today’s fast paced environment. Learning how to reduce, prevent, and cope with stress is one of the greatest ways to improve quality of life and increase happiness.

In your daily life, you may experience stress regarding a variety of aspects. Learning how to prioritize what matters the most can help to diminish the background noise and really focus on completing important tasks, so that the rest of the time can be spent engaged in activities that bring joy and balance to life.

One of the first steps in stress management is actually addressing direct stressors. Many of us walk around with a vague feeling of anxiety or urgency without really understanding why. By learning which tasks and people produce stress, it is easier to act accordingly. Increasingly, people are finding that personal attitudes and behavior contribute to high levels of stress. This in itself can be a good thing, as long as people are willing to make adjustments to their mental processes and behavior.

Family
From raising kids to communicating with an equally-stressed and busy partner, family can often seem more like a task than a support system. Find ways to equally divide household chores and obligations to take time for relaxation. It is also important to remember that spending time with children and partners can be more important than having a spotless home or a five-course meal every night. Lastly, consider couples counseling or family therapy if dysfunctional communication or behavior contribute to stress on familial relationships.

Work
Changing work habits can work wonders to reduce stress and increase quality of life. Evaluate your position often. Do you procrastinate? Are you happy with what you are doing? While many tasks that are required at your job are non-negotiable, how you choose to do these tasks and the attitude you adopt can have lasting effects on your daily life. If the tasks in your job seem insurmountable, or lead to depression or extreme anxiety, consider a career change or sending out resumes to seek a new position that may be a better fit.

Finances
One of the most common stressors is finance. Financial literacy is key to maintaining a happy life. Use free online resources, such as www.financialliteracymonth.com,to learn how to best manage finances, pay bills, control debt, and save for retirement and college expenses. The simplest—and possibly most important—tool for managing finances is living within your means. That may mean cutting back, moving to a smaller house, or buying a used car or appliance.

Health
Healthy lifestyles are often shoved to the wayside as people try to juggle everything at once. Learning how to make time for exercise and healthy eating can boost mood, productivity, happiness, and longevity. The best way to adopt a healthy lifestyle is to make it part of a routine. Wake up half an hour earlier to take a walk, or bike to work. Depending on circumstances, there are a variety of options to work in a gentle but effective exercise routine at least four times a week. The internet and cookbooks are also great resources that can help with finding easy and healthy recipes.

If you feel that your stress is taking over your life, consider any or all of these steps. West Valley Counseling provides stress management therapy throughout the San Fernando Valley, including Woodland Hills, Tarzana, Sherman Oaks, Hidden Hills, Burbank, Glendale, Calabases, and other communities of Los Angeles County.
For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

Also see Blog Post: Finding a Balance in Life

For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

West Valley Counseling Center is located at 19634 Ventura Blvd. Suite 212 Tarzana, CA 91356

Throughout time, and across different cultures, dream analysis has been at the base of human creativity. Learning to work with dreams, as a source of healing, is beneficial to one’s own health. Many people are curious about their dreams and the meaning behind them. However, it is not uncommon for people to forget their dreams before they get out of bed.

The first secret behind dream-tending is to be consistent in remembering the events in your unique world of dreams. The practice of keeping a dream journal is crucial to understanding your dreams. A dream journal can be anything—a notepad, diary, computer, or smartphone, for example—that you use to jot down your fleeting thoughts and emotions immediately after you awake. The idea is not to write every detail of your dreams, but to write down every detail that you can remember.

At first, this may be just a descriptive word or two—perhaps a sentence or phrase from the few vague impressions left over from dreamland that describes how you felt when you awoke. As you continue to write down what you can remember after waking, it will gradually become easier to remember the next dream. The reason that consistency and immediacy are so fundamental when attempting to remember dreams is because dreams provide a natural access point to your subconscious. Think of the process as strengthening a muscle: when used every day, the ability to remember dreams becomes easier and easier.

It is important to keep this in mind: don’t judge or scrutinize your dreams while you are jotting them down. Just let it happen. Your dream journal may seem dreary or nonsensical at first, but you will soon fill it up with substance from your creative mind.

For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

West Valley Counseling Center is located at 19634 Ventura Blvd. Suite 212 Tarzana, CA 91356

The Heart of the Matter: Help for Super Parents

As a Super Parent, you are a natural teacher. But even Super Parents don’t have all the answers. How can you help your children avoid the abuse of drugs and alcohol? How can you encourage your children to express their natural emotions in healthy ways?

Listening to Your Child with an Open Heart, Part 4: Early Adolescence and Transitioning to Middle School

by the staff of West Valley Counseling Center

For the past several months we’ve been discussing with you, the parents, how to help your children grow in healthy, positive ways and avoid using drugs as a coping mechanism for the emotions and events that affect their lives.

In our last blog, WVCC staff member Bennett Goldberg, M.A., wrote:

On the average, children who learn how to establish meaningful relationships as toddlers, small children, and adolescents are unlikely to get involved in substance abuse, violence, unprotected sex, or other maladaptive behaviors.

In this blog, we’ll flip through Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s book Playground Politics: Understanding the Emotional Life of Your School-Age Child. We’ll take a look at emotions and thoughts your children deal with as they head toward middle school (ages 10 to 13, approximately).

Who Am I, and What Do I Want to Be?

According to Greenspan, from ages 10 to 12, children develop a sense of their inner selves, and their self-esteem becomes more stable. Children also:

• develop a set of internal values (“I want to be a good student” or “I shouldn’t be mean”)
• begin to be able to think about the future (“I want to be a fireman” or “I want to be a teacher someday”)

What Do I Value? What’s Important to Me?

Greenspan recommends three ways for parents to help their kids nurture self-esteem and feel genuinely good about themselves:

1. Value your child’s uniqueness.
Reinforcing self-esteem isn’t about what parents say, notes Greenspan, but in the way that parents listen, empathize, and relate to their children.

2. Value your children for qualities that they value in themselves.
A child must be successful in his own eyes in order to feel good about himself. “Self-esteem is an inner feeling,” writes Greenspan. “Helping a child foster a sense of self-worth means having respect for the child’s inner world. What does he value? What’s important to him?”

3. Foster initiative and assertiveness.
Initiative and assertiveness come from having a connection to the “deep, inner core sense of who they are,” says Greenspan. Parents can encourage and support their children’s interests and values.

From a Black-and-White World to a World of Gray

As your children move through elementary school (grades 1-5) and middle school (grades 6-8), their viewpoint becomes more sophisticated.

• In kindergarten and first grade, children “tend to have a stark, all-or-nothing outlook,” notes Greenspan.
• In later grades, children gain flexibility and the ability to reason, which allow them to “gather and process information more accurately.” How do your children grow a more sophisticated view of the world? It happens as they continue to learn and to socialize in their daily lives.

Role Models and Mixed Feelings

As children begin to mature sexually, they may develop an increased interest in role models and (for a while, at least) a closer relationship with the same-sex parent.

During this stage, says Greenspan, parents can focus on building strong relationships. A father can nurture his relationship with his son, and a mother can nurture her relationship with her daughter.

What about friends, relatives, peers, teachers, and other parents? Greenspan notes that children need to learn to be confident in their ability to like, and be liked, by other people.

This involves balancing the pleasure of relationships with the inevitable loss, disappointment, and frustration that relationships bring.

By learning that relationships can be warm, fun, and intimate but also involve power struggles, sharing, and fights, children can realize that mixed feelings toward a friend or a parent are okay. In other words, children learn that having more than one emotion at the same time is perfectly normal.

Together Down the Road

By guiding your child through this period in his or her life, when sense of self becomes more developed and viewpoints become more sophisticated, you can continue nurturing your child in a healthy, positive life.

By listening to your child about how he or she is feeling, you can help your child deal with emotions and reactions that may be unfamiliar or confusing. When you do this—as we mentioned in an earlier blog—you help your child to learn how to “self-soothe.”

And by learning how to deal with his or her emotions, your child is less likely to turn to drugs or other external helpmates that can get them in trouble.

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The staff at West Valley Counseling Center provides therapy and family counseling to dozens of clients every day. In this blog series our therapists will explore how to create “valuing relationships” throughout your child’s life. We will go step by step through a child’s emotional development, giving clear descriptions with real-world examples of how to foster strong emotional relationships and help our children deal with the ups and downs of life. Look for our next blog coming soon.

Bookmark this blog, and visit us soon for our next blog post.

For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

West Valley Counseling Center is located at 19634 Ventura Blvd. Suite 212 Tarzana, CA 91356

While many of the same dynamics and issues are present in both same sex and opposite sex couples, some factors, such as social acceptance and dominant heterosexual culture, can have a toll on relationships. Nontraditional couples may also experience discrimination and lack of social support that may lead to issues in coping, communication, and healthy decision-making.

Couples therapy, for same sex and nontraditional couples can help address deep-rooted issues and find ways to help bolster the relationship in a safe and understanding environment. Devising couples therapy helps with normative issues in partner communication and compromise as well. Some common issues that encourage couples to seek therapy include:

– To change relationship perspectives
– To identify dysfunctional behaviors
– To modify dysfunctional behaviors
– To decrease emotional avoidance
– To improve communication

For more information on the benefits of couples counseling, click HERE to read more.

As with any couple, seeking therapy in the beginning stages of conflict may help to solve issues before they worsen and, thus, more difficult to treat. Couples therapy can be a huge benefit to participants feeling stagnant or depressed about current or past relationships, and can also help address uncomfortable issues such as:
– Effects of internal and external homophobia
– Sexual identity as an individual and as a couple
– Adoption or insemination
– Blended families
– Raising children
– Lack of social support
– Coming out
– Family Issues
– Cultural Differences
– Sexual Dysfunction
– Gender and sex roles

Family counseling for same sex or non-traditional couples may also help improve family issues and create a safe base that will support the couple.

For more information or to speak to one of our staff at the West Valley Counseling Center, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org

West Valley Counseling Center is located at 19634 Ventura Blvd. Suite 212 Tarzana, CA 91356

Listening to and understanding our children are two very different things.

Communication can be difficult for the best communicators but what about those who are just beginning the process? From an early age our children attempt to connect with us, on many levels at once, with few of the communications skills they’ll eventually possess as adults.

Deciphering Needs

The process of listening to our children begins with parents’ (and other caregivers’) careful attention to the cries that a baby makes. In doing so, the parent or caregiver learns how to determine whether the child is hungry, wet, sleepy, or otherwise distressed. But listening soon becomes more complicated. As our children grow, they experience more types of distress and increase their repertoire of verbal and non-verbal communication methods. This is an important time to let your children know that you are listening and available.

Letting Your Children Know that You are Listening:

• When your children are talking about their concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
• Let them complete their point before your respond and listen to their point of view, even if it difficult to hear.
• Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
• Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.

Being Available for Your Children:

• Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk – for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car – and be available.
• Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with your child and avoid scheduling other activities during that time.
• Learn about your children’s interests and initiate conversation by sharing what you have been thinking about.
• Start the conversation; it lets your children know that your care about them and what’s happening in their lives.

Young children communicate for various reasons. Some of these communications are, of course, for physical comfort or emotional sharing and reassurance. By contrast, communications with emotional roots can have many different meanings.

This statement is pretty obvious. The operative word is “some”. Some communications are are purely about comfort the balance are rooted in reassurance and emotional sharing which can be highly ambiguous. This ambiguity is further compounded by the fact that some children are not as straightforward in their play and talk as others.

Little Things Mean a Lot

As a kindergartner, my son went through a phase where he needed reassurance each morning before he entered the classroom. This wasn’t unusual – everyone needs extra encouragement from time to time – but one morning he flat out refused to enter the classroom.

I decided not to be insistent. Instead, we sat together quietly on the playground outside his classroom. After a long while, my son told me that he and his classmates had practiced a fire drill the day before. Then he gave me a hug and went inside.

Problem solved? Hardly.

The next day my son repeated the previous morning’s routine and refused to go into the classroom. This situation continued every day for several months, much to his mother’s and my concern. What was going on? It took a while, but we finally figured out what our son was going through.

Trauma, Reinforced

My son had spent the previous summer at camp. While he was there, he experienced a traumatic event. Several of his closest playmates were seriously injured, and all of the children were evacuated in a panic. In my son’s mind this meant that he was going to experience traumatic events on a regular basis. When his kindergarten teacher practiced fire drills with the students, it reinforced my son’s fear.

My son felt horribly unsafe in the world. He couldn’t communicate his fear, nor could he fully understand our reassurances. It took years for him to begin to feel safe at school, and to understand that his traumatic experience at summer camp was most likely a once-in-a-lifetime event.

A Tough Job for Parents

It is important, as a parent, to see and hear our children – good, bad or otherwise. Listening is difficult because of what we can’t or don’t want to hear:

• that our children are angry at us (it’s even harder when they have good reason)
• that our children are feeling afraid, sad, jealous, sexual, or vengeful (depending on what we’re uncomfortable with)
• that they feel ashamed or guilty, or make us feel guilty
• that their distress is very real and not easily relieved

Our temptation as parents is to treat things as if they are simple, to pretend we always know what to do, and to listen judgmentally – or not to listen at all.

Getting the Point Across

A child may communicate using words, actions, or some “disguised” manner whose code is difficult to decipher but might include a broad range of verbal and non-verbal cues including: stoicism, clapping, singing, tantrums, isolation and more.[example]. The communication may make the adult uncomfortable, but listening is worth the effort.

Helping a child to understand and accept his or her feelings is a crucial step in the development of emotional intelligence (being aware of your emotions and able to express them in a healthy way), promotes the child’s mental health, and is crucial to establishing solid relationships in the future.

On the average, children who learn how to establish meaningful relationships as toddlers, small children, and adolescents are unlikely to get involved in substance abuse, violence, unprotected sex, or other maladaptive behaviors.

Genuinely hearing and seeing our children is one of the best gifts we can give them.

The staff at West Valley Counseling Center provides therapy and family counseling to dozens of clients every day. In this blog series our therapists will explore how to create “valuing relationships” throughout your child’s life. We will go step by step through a child’s emotional development, giving clear descriptions with real-world examples of how to foster strong emotional relationships and help our children deal with the ups and downs of life. Look for our next blog coming soon.

For more information or to speak to one of our staff, please contact us at (818) 758-9450 or email us at info@westvalleycounseling.org